I wrote this post back in March 15, 2024 when my, at the time boyfriend now husband, had to go on a work trip for 7 months. I was a baby christian and depended on his disciplines to guide me on my journey following God. Once he left, he left me alone, alone with God. I kept telling myself that you are never alone if you have God, half meaning it because I did not have a close relationship with God. During this time I surrendered myself to Jesus my Lord and Savior, and He met me exactly where I was at. On the afternoon of the 15th I was cleaning out my closet and the Holy Spirit led me to writing this…

So as you know, my boyfriend left. Before he left, we both said how I will be deep in my word. I would say that I won’t be lonely with God, just half meaning it because I wasn’t sure what that meant. Now, my boyfriend is literally my best friend. We do everything together and spend all day together, everyday. So when he left, I wasn’t sure what to do. I didn’t want to deal with the emotions of being by myself, so I stayed super duper busy. I was doing things that I was putting off for months, even years. You know that pile that I know every house has? The pile that is always put off to get cleaned? Well, for me it was my closet.

My closet is like a mini walk- in with multiple shelves that go up pretty high. I got a ladder and really got in there, from taking out clothes to shredding papers. Once I completed everything, I wasn’t sure what else to do, so I turned to Netflix. As I watched my favorite shows, I’d get these waves of conviction. It was like God telling me to turn off the shows that glorified sin, aka all my favorites shows. Now, I didn’t listen at first. I would try to force myself to watch these shows, but the conviction grew to be too strong. I then turned to God and asked what else I should do if I can’t even watch TV! He then guided me to watch sermons. I now watch a minimum of 2 sermons a day. He also led me to listen to christian podcasts. I then told myself that I will make it a habit to read my word everyday and pray a minimum of 2 times per day.

One of my prayers was praying for a pure heart. I always heard people pray for a pure heart, so I thought I should too. The more time I prayed and spent time with God, the more he answered. He began to show me the hidden mess in my heart. Before he showed me the mess, I thought myself to be a good, generous, forgiving person. However, He showed me that I wasn’t counting on the mess that I was hiding in the closet. The mess in the closet that I would put off, so I didn’t have to deal with it. The mess in the closet that I would put organized stuff in front of so if visitors came and see they wouldn’t see the mess. The mess in the closet that had grudges, I mean things from years ago. He guided me to sermons and scriptures for everything I needed to work on. The moment I put my will to the grave, started shutting up, tamed my tongue, was kinder, more generous, stopped worrying about tomorrow, I was able to clean out the mess bit by bit. Only once I let Jesus take the wheel. Now, I’m not saying I’m perfect, I’m far from it, but God has been doing so much work in me that it leaves me in awe every time. Not just in me, but in situations that I have put in his hands from months ago. However, this comes from reading the word, praying and putting your will to the grave.

– This post was inspired by Luke 12:2- “There is nothing concealed that will not be disclosed, or hidden that will not be made known” (NIV).